Promise - You will never leave me!

“Dear, I have a life of my own. Let me breathe. I am not going to get into relationship with every guy that I am talking to. Don’t be so insecure”. I have heard this in many relationships. Or similar words which mean the same.

Why people love someone? Are we destined to find someone who is the righteous owner of all our emotions? Actually, we don’t love someone because we really like him or her. Rather, It’s because, we want to be loved by them.  Human mind is designed to think for oneself first. We all want to be loved. We all want someone who would make us feel special. We want someone, who will give us the importance, the prestige that we so seek in our life..

And would you like to let that someone go in case that you find one? Or would you like that someone to treat others also the same way? You are special only till others are not. That’s when we start putting a prize to our companions. They become very close to your existence. And you want to hide them from rest of the world as the fear of losing that love, that companionship makes you insecure. And the more you try to hold them, the more they try to break-free. Because nature has made us so. We don’t want to be dominated.

Insecurity, possessiveness - these feelings will always go hand in hand when a person seeks love, companionship.  Because, it’s not easy to find one.  And If we find one, we put all our emotional investments in them. But sadly enough, love is not eternal. We can love someone only so much.  You love someone and you will keep loving them only for so long. Someday, then slowly, love will take a backseat and co-existence will start creeping in. You need to keep nourishing your love, the way we nourish our body and plants. Probably much more. And it’s a tough job. Because we all have our dark sides. As we spend time with our partners, the dark side gives it’s glimpse. And no one likes darkness. We all seek light. The more we are exposed to the dark side of our partners, the more we need to see the spark. Spark in our relationship and if we find none, we look for spark in people around us. That’s the spark which starts a new relation  and might kill the old one.

How much so ever we try, the fear of losing someone tomorrow, makes us insecure today. And this insecurity makes losing that someone inevitable.

All we need to do is to ensure that we don’t spoil the moment today.  And if we invest in nourishing that relationship today, possessiveness will become passion. Insecurity will become protection.

Let’s Keep that spark going. And that can happen for only so long.

Being an MBA!!

Almost forgot that I have a blog as well. Almost forgot that I wanted to be writer someday! Mr. writer can wait. This part of my life is called - "Being an MBA". 

Sometimes I think, Why is MBA such a sought after degree in India? When you are an Engineer you apply Filters and Sums in Excel. Post MBA, you apply Pivot and Vlookup. Our employers know that we never read our Engineering or MBA books. To save us from this embarrassment, they gave us Jobs that don't require the same!

To be realistic, MBA makes your family proud. The bank balance can smile and you are considered to be a good match! And Yes, you learn Jargons!

Other day, I was standing in a billing counter queue in a mall with my friend (Non-MBA). He casually picked up a chocolate. My face started shining with wisdom. I spent 10 mins explaining him various aspects of consumer behavior and his act of impulse buying. Scandalized with the thought of my further insights, He kept the chocolate back. 

Also, you are expected to have a strategic and holistic perspective on anything and everything under the sun. Sometime back my Uncle wanted to know if it would be right for his son to join a software company? I quickly downloaded a 10 MB industry analysis and explained him that as per five forces, Software industry is all set to be doomed. Today, I saw on facebook that my cousin is in US and planning to spend his first weekend of onsite assignment in Vegas. Never mind. The Michael Porter can't be wrong.

Frankly, MBA gives you a realization that what you achieve in your professional life is not proportional to your degrees or intelligence. It depends on how good you are with people and how passionate you are in following your dreams ;)

Why this loss is different...

I have grown up watching India losing one series after another in almost all overseas tour.  Every loss has left me sad and disappointed but has never affected my spirit and true love for the Indian cricket team. I was an ardent fan even when Venkatesh Prasad was our strike fast bowler and Vijay Bhardwaj was the best all-rounder.
We have been white-washed by Australia in past as well and there is no shame in losing. Even we are the most difficult team to defeat on our home ground. And Australia knows it better than many other countries.
What hurts me is the attitude. While in a deep crisis situation after an inning's defeat, our captain is talking about when possibly he plans to retire. I think in all possibilities he will not be in the team by then.
Our 'God' is thinking more about his 100th hundred and in the process not even making 10 runs. All his worshipers would agree that he has this unmatched love with the number '100' that makes him play slow and cautiously whenever he approaches one. This has caused India 10-20 runs many times in the slog over. But one shouldn't speak ill about the all-mighty.
Before this series, we had at least one batsman who had the skills and technique to bat on fast and bouncy pitches. Unfortunately he has been bowled more number of times than he came on the crease. The wall has come down. Even Dravid needs to realise this.
Lets talk about our biggest reason of recent overseas win - Virender Sehwag. I shouldn't comment on his shots as he has a NOC from the whole country to play rash strokes. He didn't even play with so called 'complete freedom'. Fighting his inner self, he tried being cautious and inadvertently got out nudging deliveries shamefully.  So our biggest strength is luck? A matter of chance that Sehwag will play?
One player that we all relied on was VVS. The kolkata innings was certainly one of the best days of my 'cricketing' life. But again, he lacked intent. It looked as if he has given up even before coming on to the crease. I hardly saw any wristy strokes or the elegant cover drives that Laxman is made of. It was more to do with his mind than his form.
We never attacked. Spread the field for tailenders and never tried to run that extra run. The series was lost in mind after the second test match. Anyone remembers Kumble coming in to bowl with bandage all across his head? This team lacks that courage to fight. That's why this loss is different.

The 'Why MBA' answer that I could never give

Half of Bangalore is made of Software Engineers. The other half are Auto-drivers. The latter earns better. Still every year, from every known and mostly unknown colleges of India, Lakhs and lakhs of engineers chuck their core branch, to become the IT face of India. They spend four years, designing a screw jack or drawing a circuit, but find it safe to sit and crack the 'first' company on campus. After all, it offers a chance to be in the Silicon Valley one day!

 But what is the life of a software Engineer? They get up in the morning after snoozing the alarm thrice. Wear the tie and I-Card with eyes half often, and rushes to the office. I personally know a couple of my friends who attend nature's call in the office, thanks to the world-class infrastructure of IT companies!

And slowly he realises that his life has been limited to coding or testing a useless application, eating with the same set of people in food-courts and watching a movie in the same theater on weekends. He is drinking  more coffee than water and has gained 10Kgs in last 2 years. Years go by, his salary crawls. People around his cubicle go onsite one-by-one and his Visa gets rejected every year. Even Ranjita, the girl from the corner cubicle with whom he used to go for coffee, got married last month. Santharaman Suryakevalam, who failed in the certification thrice, got better ratings than him because his manager's name was similar in length.

Frustrated with his life, one day he called his friend who works in a automobile company.

Software Engg : Yaar, I want to quit, this life sucks!

Friend             : What???

software Engg : I said, I want to quit.

Friend           : Centralized AC ki hawa khakar tumhara dimag kharab ho gaya hai, Yaha plant me breakdown hota hai to raat me 2 baje bhi jana padta hai.. Body se grease ki smell aati hai pure din! Tu mera resume bhi please forward karde apni company me.

Without saying anything, he just hangs up the call. Crows are black everywhere. His cell beeps. There is a new Message. "TIME Entrance scholarship test this Sunday. Avail upto 90% discount on course fee."

My experiment with "Truth"

I have heard so many girls saying that "All guys are dogs". I am not sure if you have heard it or not. May be most of the times it is said around me only! Well, I can't agree more. let me confess that I am a pig rather! Most of you will agree after reading this. Those who don't should know about their species.

In my highly unproductive stay of 26 years on this only life supporting planet, I have realised one thing - this world can be broadly (or even if you try minutely) classified into two categories only, the fairer sex and the follower sex.

This one goes for all those beauties and some not that beauties (Not that I told this to them ever!!) who walked in, stayed and went by. I loved you all. I couldnt say this to all of you, but whatever I am today and will be in near future, I owe a part of it to you all. Thanks for pampering me, knowing me, loving me, hating me and kicking me. All these were the lessons of life that I couldn't have learnt otherwise.

Wait, I really have some lessons of life, and being an MBA, I will go by bullets!

• Even if you are down with fever for last 5 days or have just returned from Delhi half-marathon, You can easily shop for 24 hours straight. You don't get tired at all doing this, in fact you feel rejuvenated!! (P.S. 99% of times, you don't buy anything)
• "Vivek, am I looking fat in this dress?" Try answering that!
• You don't mind it even I say "You are looking very very beautiful" 50 times a day. In fact you can take it 50 more times.
• You don't deal with primary colours. Most of the things around you are either Beige, Tan, Ivory, Grey, Pinkish Crimson, banana cream or some weird unknown combinations like this.
• Its compulsory to surrender one's Gmail, Orkut, Facebook and all other passwords before one can go ahead with you. These will be subject to surprise audits.
• You never wear a dress if somebody even remotely known to you have wore a similar dress in past. Period!
• You always have an annual plan in place for what to wear on which day. Guys, for that matter, believe in Just In Time.
• Your counting abilities are inversely proportional to cuteness of your face. I accept - math suits us - The underprivileged mortals, you are made for better things!
• You have to discuss the most important things of life just when we are getting late to a meeting.
• A person weighing well above 80 Kg and more than 6 feet in height can't be called 'Baby'. Grow up!!
• You move on. Even we do. Just that its not that easy for us. :-)

There are thousand other things that can go in here but I will stop as I still want to keep my 'chances' alive in future. I know you all have deep insights. Keep adding to the list :)

Mera pehla pehla ....

Final exams were going on and it was the third time we were meeting each other on Dharam's tea stall that day. Of course preparing for exams asks for more tea than books. Not that we were worried much about the exams anyways. I knew I would pass, the way I always do. Mandal knew that he would fail, the way he did most of the times.
When the time of leaving one's engineering college comes, exams, grades and such things loose significance. Our talks were getting more sentimental day by day. While his sentiments were more related to our friendship and the life we had spent in the campus for last 4 years, my sentiments were more related to Esha - The girl I had chased haplessly for last four years.

There is something special about your first love. Something special that wakes you up at midnight and make you write a blog. You try to brush it aside 100 times, trying to console yourself that it was just a 'crush', but it comes back. And today, after  experiencing many such first loves, I still realise that yes, She was the one!!

Chetan Bhagat has said, Geeks fall in love easily and way to often.Within 72 hours of joining my engineering college, I fell in love with her. Thanks to my small town background in which even talking to a girl made bigger news than India lifting the world cup! My first conversation with her in the smith shop was by far the maximum interaction that I ever had with a girl in my life. I was smiling ears to ears while returning to hostel. In retrospect, it was the only workshop session that I remember till date!

There is something more about your first love. It makes you do the most stupid things that one can imagine. We laugh at others when we see them doing the same. The truth is, we do it 10 times over, because, it is for her!

And Man, she was beautiful. She was not fair, she was pink. Her almond shaped eyes had a magnetic effect and her face was incredibly cute. Her voice sounded like the rhymes of a wind chime and her lips...well I should stop!

My vision was permanently focussed towards her in all the lectures. I think some teachers used to sympathise with me as if I have a squint. It didn't matter much to me. I used to sit strategically to have her clear view and leave the classroom in such a manner that I can walk as close to her as possible.

There was a considerable social risk involved in talking to her in public which forced me to opt for another tried and tested medium - the girl's hostel landline number. Though it created financial risk, it suited me because it gave me the much needed privacy and saved me from the trouble of facing and talking to her at the same time (there was a serious risk of me getting statued with her face in front)! I used to walk 2 kilometers in hottest of afternoons to a telephone booth which had a 'Private Cabin' strategically created for customers like me. With the market monopoly due to this niche product, I often used to wait in long queue in front of the booth and would keep trying the girls hostel number which was busier than the railway enquiry! The booth owner used to offer me a glass of water sometimes in the middle of conversation depending on my bill. I think he had seen such cases before.

In next three years I did many things for her about which I feel ashamed to write in my blog. And just when my confidence had reached the pick and I thought that the Jackpot was ready to be cracked, she said, "My boyfriend is an MBA".

Now, I was the only engineer from my village in the known history. I used to believe that I have achieved something greater than what Armstrong achieved by landing on the Moon. I had no idea what MBA is. I pretty much started hating the word! I cried, smoked, got drunk and did most of the things which are labelled as Pyar ke Side Effects. All this while, Mandal used to laugh and make fun of all my stupidities. Given his baldness, I think he had seen such phases long back!

I dont remember her anymore. I think thats the way it goes. However, whenever I talk to my college friends, they invariably mention her to tease me. It just brings a smile on my face and some fade memories. I guess thats the way it goes. :-)

Kaleidoscope

Aaah!! Feels like it has been ages since I typed my blog address in my 'Google Chrome' browser. Well, I have a valid excuse of being busy as after all I am doing MBA!!
hmmm...I don't find something special to write about today.. so lets rewind and pick on 7 interesting learning of my last 7 months. I would again say, Facebooking is a far better option that reading my blog, Its gonna be long and boring but after all its the learning of one of the best B-schools in India.. feel free to tag along!

1. Every person in this world who is doing an MBA owes it most to Larry page and Sergey Brin. Its only due to their amazing invention that the best of B-Plans, projects and Case solutions are done in a couple of hours. I respect my alums who managed to do MBA before the advent of Internet, u deserved it Sir!

2. You have to be busy. I know you don't have any work, and probably you are refreshing facebook every 15 minutes, but that doesn't matter. It's a shame not to be always working on your laptop if u are an MBA student. The Problem is, my Alma-mater is the coooolest place to do an MBA. Still as I said, we are busy.

3. This one is slightly personal. Its a bit weird to share the class with people who behave the way u behaved 3-4 years ago! If you are doing MBA after considerable work-ex like me, u would often say, 'I also used to be so serious about Marks', 'Oh, I also approached my first crush the same way!', ' I also used to be so sentimental about my society!'. You face the problem of 'Generation Gap' but that's the lateral learning!

4. Its as important to make a girlfriend as it was for you to crack the entrance exam of FMS. Not because I was single when I joined the college.. because people are in a hurry to get their relationship status changed! Yeah, u read it right. There is a huge volume of changes from 'Committed' to 'Single' as well as soon as people join the college... Many also go for 'Committed' to 'Multi-Committed'.

5. Charles Darwin forgot to mention in his theory of survival about the sole purpose of human existence. Its Placements. I think half of us would be happy to polish shoes in connaught place, if it earns a CV point. In MBA one faces the music twice, Summers and Finals.. Its for those two D-days that we were born. Not only does it gives you a Job, it gives you a 'Tag' for the rest of your stay in B-School.

6. You will meet many extreme people here. The most intelligent people, the most selfish people, the most helpful people,the loudest people, the quietest people, people with attitude, people with Gratitude ... Its good to experience extreme people, at times its hard to bear them!

7. I think once we pass out, most of us will realize that we were a better person before we did MBA. Better in knowledge and the most important, a better Human being. MBA gives a lot of 'Lateral Learning'. Games people play :-)

It went a bit long. A bit sarcastic. But its my blog. I gave you an option right at the Start!
Maktub!